While I know this site isn’t even close to being ready for public consumption, I’m still going to write when I feel like writing. Hopefully, people won’t mind playing catch up once I’ve actually put it up. 🙂

I’ve always had a problem with my weight. I was a chubby little baby, and a chubby little girl, and then a more than chubby adolescent. When the interest in boys happened, I remember being at odds with myself and the world around me. I liked boys, but they didn’t seem to like me back. I was always better friends with boys, because I was a bit of a tomboy. I just felt odd in dressy clothes, and preferred to play dinky cars in the dirt with my brother than play with dolls or get dressed up all pretty. Suffice it to say that boys were friends and I was just one of the boys. Not that I minded, I had alot of fun! Once I got a bit older in high school, things changed a bit and I was usually the brunt of fat jokes and the ignorant behaviour of my school mates. In grades 9 & 10, I was an odd geeky punk outcast, spending most of my time with my equally geeky girlfriends, all who were somewhat overweight. Alone we dealt with the ignorance on our own terms, but together we found that we could talk, joke and laugh about ourselves but also we had a support system and we accepted each other as we were. Together we joined Weight Watchers, we exercised, we ate lunch together and over time, we all lost some weight. None of us got any dates, but we all felt that what we had was better than what any date could provide anyway.

I decided that I needed some time doing other things than school and work. I joined a youth group called YACMR (Youth Across Canada with the Mentally Retarded) and I really got alot out of it, including a boyfriend! Kevin turned out to be a great friend. We had alot in common and we very much enjoyed spending time with each other, and so we did for several years, until Kevin realized that he was gay. Surprisingly, I wasnt surprised at all. We did alot of necking, but that was about it. 😉 In any case, I had a great friend who was supportive and fun and we really had some great times together. During this time, I learned how to party. I, of course, was a junior partier in my early teens, but once I turned 16 and got into a bar for the first time, life would change forever. Wow, life was fun back then! Well, it’s still fun now, but that’s a whole other story.

As I socialized more, I began to realize that if I was happy with myself, then people seemed to be happy with me too. I loved to laugh and have a good time, and before long I had lots of friends and we had lots of good times. This is essentially a good thing, but being a nice, fun, generous person, I sometimes found myself being taken advantage of. I figured this out for the most part, but overall this is still something I’m working on. 😉 We had several hangouts and I was out many nights of the week and most weekends, even though I was still in high school and working a part time job. I remember being at school all day, working until 10pm and then my friends would pick me up and we’d head to the Continental in Buffalo, NY to party until 4am. Boy, drinking was fun! And so began the party life…

Well, I’ve had this domain for a while now and I’ve had several different ideas for what I wanted to put here. I thought about an online shrine and information library starring those dark and fearsome Stomping Goddesses out there, Kali, Durga, Hekate, the Erinyes, Medusa, Chinnamasta, Erishkigal, Ishtar, Sekhmet and the Fates. It would also have a place to share our experiences with the Stomping Goddesses within each of us. Then I visualized it as a VJ site, where I could upload some video clips that I had made to share and also keep a repository of images too, as well as a journal of my experiences and the things I learned by going out there and making my own videos. Either way I knew it would be an important place for me to write down my thoughts and revelations about life, the universe, and every li’l thing. Eventually, towards the end of January, it all became clear. This site needs to be about me. I know that sounds a tad conceited and self-centered, but it’s not meant in that way. I had a very intense spiritual experience and it made me realize that I need to start taking care of myself as I still have alot of work to do and I’m not getting any younger!

At the beginning of January, I decided to stop eating wheat, cow’s milk and milk products, yeast, sugar, and coffee (as well as wine, peanuts, and msg). This strategy, along with a few other tips and tricks, will hopefully help me with my healing journey. A few years back I went for food intolerance testing and found that there were many foods that just don’t jive with me, and of course, a few years back I omitted these foods from my diet for a month and incredibly (well, not so incredible, it makes sense now!) I felt better! I suffered for a long time with lack of energy, depression and bloating, and this little test (now my regime) made me feel better, until I fell off the bandwagon and didn’t get back on it, until now. Now I know that this regime works for me. It’s been 3.5 months and while I’ve had a few cheating times (and BOY did I feel them!), I am now on the road to recovery and discovering of a whole new way of eating. I’ve always enjoyed cooking, so now it’s just a little more challenging – so far so good! Of course, I just think I miss eating all the food I used to enjoy – pizza (but have found a spelt sourdough pizza crust recipe!), various yummy cow cheese (but I can still eat goat, sheep and buffalo cheeses as long as they’re not too salty!), and going out to any restaurant and being able to find *something* (usually a veggie burger and fries, nachos, or potato skins – now it’s only salad – thank the Gods for places like Fresh! and King’s Cafe 🙂 ). Sometimes it’s hard and frustrating, sometimes I cheat, but I always end up back on the wagon right away, which is the only way that will work. I’ve lost inches, I’ve lost some weight, but most of all I’ve lost that bloaty feeling and my moods are so much more stable than they used to be. Rick thinks this is just a fantastic side effect 😉 and so do I! It’s nice to not feel like such a crazy person anymore (well, more than I essentially am). Who would have thought that food could be such a huge factor in all this?! I’m glad I’m figuring it out, it’s making life more tolerable for all of us! LOL

I’m still going to do the video blog, but over at Eye Can See That! and hoping that this site turns into a helpful journal about the trials and tribulations of attempting to live a healthier and more active lifestyle, while sharing the things that I’ve learned so that I can share my experiences with others who are trying to do the same thing!

She is beautiful as a chain of lightning
and fine as a (lotus) fibre,
and shines in the minds of the sages.
She is extremely subtle,
the awakener of pure knowledge,
the embodiment of bliss,
whose true nature is pure consciousness.
~ Satcakra-Nirupana

Here grows a little space between time and reality. A niche to nuture my thoughts, an environment to stretch and foster my consciousness, a zone to visualize the possibilities of life, the universe and everything…a home to call my own in this ever-changing interest we call life…welcome!